Validate Your Life

I was on a live coaching conference call talking about different brain changes and patterns with some other coaches and I thought about the prospect of sharing a personal story.  We were discussing how adolescents can sometimes be sensitized to things that other people may deem as unproblematic, like, for example, not having someone to sit with for lunch.  Yikes!  I instantly communicated the effect of delivering a bit of personal history with the purpose of galvanizing the conversation, session, and communication.  On the topic of offering personal anecdotes….ANYWHERE!

• in coaching
• in consulting
• in friendship(s)
• in conversations
• in romance-seduction
• in rapport-building
• in relationships with anyone!

I propounded ever-so eloquently if I do say so myself that offering a personal story could be helpful for four good reasons.  A personal anecdote can: (more…)

How does simply ignoring, rather than reprimanding, scolding, yelling, undesirable people, habits, or occurrences benefit our longevity’s efficiency? Because you stay in control that way, while sectoring your time to share it with exciting and authentic experiences. A computer server has millions of requests “knocking on its door” all the time, every second of every day. Yet there are thousands of protocols and “permissions” files within that server that immediately tell it what to do (and what not to do) with “packets” of information received on the internet. Did you ever get that “Error 404 Not Found” error while surfing the internet? If you’ve browsed enough pages, you know what I’m talking about.
An internet server has a busy life. It doesn’t have time to shut-down all operations and yell and scream and get enraged at an “excluded host” when contacted! It can only afford – thankfully – to send a quick, instantaneous programmed response, “Error no access”, so it can focus its processing power on the good, resourceful tasks – exchanging data and updates and requests and gets and formulas with permissible hosts on the internet.
Your interaction with the world and people should be the same. You open up your emotional doors of clarity, honesty, and sincerity to those “permissible” hosts and quickly exclude the “impermissible hosts” (those people that do not fulfill and support your beliefs, nor ideas, nor call you back).

(Modified 2007 Post)

“So men are not from Mars, nor are women from Venus. Men and women are from Africa, the cradle of our evolution, where they evolved together as a single species. Men and women have all the same genes except for a handful on the Y chromosome, and their brains are so similar that it takes an eagle-eyed neuroanatomist to find the small differences between them. Their average levels of general intelligence are the same, according to the best psychometric estimates,24 and they use language and think about the physical and living world in the same general way.”

== Steven Pinker, MIT & Harvard prfoessor and cognitive scientist.

YES Finally, something that dissolves the pop-new-age ludicrous falsities claiming men and women are biologically different . They are not. They are very very similar and almost 100% identical, genetically.

This isn’t so much an interest in masculine/feminine studies, but rather a dissolution of fallacious belief, hyped by superficial media and pseudo-science.

Hearing Pinker’s wise words is not only comforting and alleviating from the intoxicatingly vile untruths I heard uttered to me by so many pop media feminists or people interesting in pointing out the “inherent superiority of one gender over the other”, but Pinker’s words move forward with dissolving untruths that clog, obfuscate, and blur our scope of reality.

I think the most concise and most lucid article that encapsulates this entire pseudo-truth-unraveling behavior is Dawkins’ article “Hall of Mirrors”, where he enunciates the validity of scientific truth.

Pinker’s dissolution of and illustrative evidence provision of the noble savage, blank slate, and ghost in the machine fallacious paradigms of human nature is brilliant.

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“So men are not from Mars, nor are women from Venus. Men and women are from Africa, the cradle of our evolution, where they evolved together as a single species. Men and women have all the same genes except for a handful on the Y chromosome, and their brains are so similar that it takes an eagle-eyed neuroanatomist to find the small differences between them. Their average levels of general intelligence are the same, according to the best psychometric estimates,24 and they use language and think about the physical and living world in the same general way.”

== Steven Pinker, MIT & Harvard prfoessor and cognitive scientist.

YES Finally, something that dissolves the pop-new-age ludicrous falsities claiming men and women are biologically different . They are not. They are very very similar and almost 100% identical, genetically.

This isn’t so much an interest in masculine/feminine studies, but rather a dissolution of fallacious belief, hyped by superficial media and pseudo-science.

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• Main Validate Your Life Podcast
• John’s NLP Course

The whole “work hours” thing is a foreign concept to me. Maybe because I just don’t make a distinction between work and play, or (most likely) I just always work.  Sometimes I wake up and start work at 2am. Sometimes I just don’t ever go to sleep and take a nap in the middle of the day.

It’s easier for me, I realize, to just say my sleep patterns (the times where I’m not working) than the times I am working;  I sometimes sleep around the 12ish to 3ish zone. I like exercising at night (moonlight runs).

So it’s strange, I work about 80-90 times harder and am more demanding of myself than I would have been if I worked for an employer other than myself.  This increase in work motivation, results, and demands is probably inherent to any freelance work or “business owner” work.  That’s an interesting pattern and managing the work that you do as an entrepreneur is what we’re talking about today. You have to develop this weird relationship with yourself where you’re the administrator who decides what we need to do (as a business) and then you put on the “employer cap” and do the stuff that you decided to do while wearing the administrative hat. Finally, you clean it all up by wearing, possibly a “customer hat” and test-running for the purposes of debugging your business feature.  This works with websites, products, services, expansions of any kind.

Having access to multiple outcome frames from multiple hats (points of view and angles) is a must for any entrepreneur. How do you do this? How do you don and even design the array of chapeaus you have to wear to be a successful entrepreneur? (more…)

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http://www.yahoo.com/s/1081179

Carradine’s death and Heath’s death in early 2008 (both suicides) shows that actors are unhappy. They need and are lost and confused. I’m 100% convinced that the reaons for following film and studying acting for a bit was to eventually Coach actors in areas of fulfilment and health and performance and meaning. It’s simple. Actor’s have a lot of money and little happiness. I have a lot of happiness and little money. I can teach the happiness; they can give me the money. Both parties happy. !!

This makes you realize that Hollywood is truly just a massive Cult of Marketing and ploys nad disillusionment tied in with the media to create the illusion of the “glory of fame and stardom” etc. Well Hollywood went down the tubes. Seriously. I’ve been living 20 miles west of “Hollywood” the past year and the place is like a vacant ghost town when I visit it (seriously). Additionally, the silver screen pictures and that whole era from a sales/business point of view is completely wasted and gone. Youtube, private casts, internet “films” are now reality. So the Cultu of Hollywood is slowly dying.

Boy has my thought evolved rapidly the past years!! Only three years ago I was fascinated with and enthralled by actors. Now, after discovering some truly clear thinking rocking bodacious people (DB, Dawkins, etc). I’ve realized, sure, some actors may be genuinely cool, great people, but their profession is the biggest kind of cult disillusionment mass hypnosis possible. Tahts’ why so many off themselves because their profession is so warped and disillusioned and they’re a servant for “product placement” in the films! They likely have very little sense of self after playing characters and roles for many years of their life.

Coaching is the opposite of that. I spend YEARS of my life writing books on discovering exactly what I want to know and who I want to be and I discover that! I was interested in spirituality and when I was, it was exciting but various things (prosetylizatio in Costa Rica on multiple occasion, reading up on cults and witnessing identical similarities between cults and major religions etc) emerged and I evolved out of that. Now science and atheism are rivetting. TRULY rivetting. But the truth of the matter is. They’ve ALWAYS been rivetting! I’ve ALWAYS been this nerdy, scientific atheist. I watch home videos of me as a kid and I see that and know that. “Devout Atheism” (:D) is what’s true for me. Kiekegaard says “I must find a truth that’s true for me”. Well, soren, I did just that and it’s refreshing and incredibly MASSIVELY empowering!! Wow. So empowering to honor my genuine LOVE for science! Three kinds of symbiotic relationships, Stomata on plants, cellular respiration I love that high-tech jargon and better yet the fact that it’s linked to real things in nature. But physics is like some of the most absolute truths of all tied in with the precision of math. I’m very interested in physics especially. Sweet!!

In the business, professional, internet, or any world with which you associate yourself. Professionalism, formality, closure and safety are all important. Read on to see why contracts move goals forward!

1. Formality. It adds to the REALNESS of the coaching relationship for BOTH the client and coach. As a coach I don’t want some client joking around wasting my time if they aren’t committed to changing. I take coaching VERY seriously. I’ve deliberately started and stopped smoking for 2 month segments specifically for the purpose of learning about the addiction so I could educate myself on how to help clients break it! I take coachign incredibly seriously and I need clients that are committed to changing as well! From the Client POV, I’m sure a sincere and focused client who’ serious about achieving his/her goals WANTS a serious coach who’s determined to make them realize their goals and potential!! A contract creates this formality to the coaching-client relationship.

2. Closure. A contract creates closure and certainty on the duration of the coaching. This is ESSENTIAL for goal-setting because it shows the coach and client how fast they ahve to move and what they will have time to cover or not. If the coach and client only have 2 coachign sessions, they’ll most certainly have to focus on different things than if they had 10 coaching sessions. A contract creates closure.

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Holmes’ Meta Strategy!
This is the transcription and reflection on Robert Dilts’ Strategies of Genius.

Perception of Clusters of Details —> Behavioral Observations + Environmental Observations —> Inferences —> Combinations of inferences —> Conclusions

Cultural Assumptions & Facts are matched up with the observations to draw inferences, then the inferences are “compiled” to generate conclusions.

Why is Holmes Strategy so useful to learn?
Well, for one, Sherlock Holmes (although fictional) is the greatest observational-deducer probably ever to exist in our imaginations or out of it. The fact that he’s fictional does not prevent his techniques from being genuine, applicable, and highly useful. The observational-deducing strategies used by Sherlock Holmes seriously fall in the category of something expansively NLP because it increases the options you have in life. You can (and will) draw these truthful, accurate conclusions seemingly from thin air. Yes, that is impressive and makes for a great trick, but also for your own awareness and heightened observational skills this is extremely potent. It’s so valuabl eto understand how we go from submodality observations and asking the who, what, how, where, when (and sometiems why) questions to arrive at the causes and behavioral conditions and capabilities behind what we see. Wolves are notably more intelligent than dogs because of their 30% increased intelligence and heightened “observational learning”. Observational learning means that they’ll figure out how the cage they’re in works, and can quickly escape than anything without observational learning. Similarly, learning and Applying Holmes meta-strategy for drawing deductive conclusions from heightened observations frees you and expands your life MUCH more than the person who does not use this strategy. Ultimately, by using and applying Holmes’ filtering and questing and tying up observations with cultural assumptions, imaginations, and facts to reach inferecnes and then conclusions from the summation and formulaic equations of those inferences, you truly will lead a more liberated, more full, more complete life than someone who does not use these strategies. So learn on!

The fusion of cultural assumption & Fact with the observation is key and often the overlooked step.

If you see someone lightly hesitantly putting his hand on a woman’s shoulder (observation), it’s likely it’s their first date (inference) because if they had gone on many dates, there likely would be no hesitation (cultural assumption)!

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First off I noticed that the ICA Coaching Process Diagram resembles Joseph Campbell’s Hero of a Thousand Faces 12-phases of the heroic Journey. Joseph campbell is an author of mythology and kind of mythological dissection. He went back and scrutinized myriad myths and plugging in some Jungian archetypes extracting some archetypes, he extracted these 12 stages that occur in almost every myth be it 1970s star wars or a 500 bc folktale. And the phases involve a departure, encountering obstacles, tests, helpers, return, seizing the elixir and others. so the coaching process resembles the heroic journey that a client will go through and experience!

The most fascinating connection I saw was that in 1998 I made an abstract self-portrait that strongly resembles the ICA coaching process! Except that mine utilizes more color, which I like. I have a confusion, dark cloud on the left side which is where the client starts — from confusion, muddled doubt, fear, and its a rough, grey-black textured part of the abstract canvas. Then there’s an up and down energy line which reflect the heroic journey and the end result is this warm smooth, red and yellow chunk that represents the achievement, the kindness and love. ST. Ambrose said, “Faith is in the beginning and love is in the end.” On my coaching journey process, Love is truly the the end result of the coaching and the energy-heroic line has greens, reds, blues, and many colors of change. What’s interesting is that instead of pillars I have 3 slivers of red and yellow surrounding the main sphere (the client’s core and their compassionate reservoir which always stays the same and contains their infinite potential). Those slivers represent passion, love, and joy that are ALWAYS with hte client throughout the entire journey!! Unlike the pillar where they’d go through the truth-telling and listening phases and then a questioning phase, my model of coaching (that I painted 11 years ago) has these empowering qualities ALWAYS with the client throughout the entire journey that they can and should and do draw upon!!

So the Beginning of my client process starts at “muddled confusion and doubt and fear”

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My Elevator Speech is called “Specifics of Application”. I’ve chiseled this down to being able to deliver it in 15 seconds. I love it and am interested and psyched about practicing it more. Everytime I’ve practiced it, I’ve gotten great “reviews”. Great Reviews from an elevator speech means:

1) If I tell the person it’s an elevator speech and I’m approaching it from the POV of evaluating my elevator speech as opposed to the content of it where I’d be selling my coaching, they say it’s impressive or “a good one” (Ronnie Noize). So that rocks!

2) Selling success, allure, or interest. This is applying the elevator speech and selling the content. This type of success creates a prospective client’s interest in my coaching!

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Advanced Coach AC110: Challenging Clients
Ronnie Noise
This is pretty off topic but it does propose an alternative viewpoint to the question of uniquely or “colorfully” challenging clients. And that was “screamers”. LOL! We started discussing corporate clients who scream apparently. Now, the idea of corporate managers screaming like literally increasing the loudness of their voice and shouting was an entirely new, fascinating, and hilariously amusing topic.

New. Wait, what? It’s common for corporate managers to scream? Scream at whom coworkers? People lower in the hierarchy? Are they screaming during a sales pitch? Because someone doesn’t meet a standard? How common is this? Does it only happen in small startups or like in huge Fortune 500 hundred comapnies? The discussion made it sound like screamers in corporations was common. I did not know this. Is the screamer’s intention to try to (albeit a maladaptive approach) scare someone into changing or taking action differently? Or is it a reactionary result of stress?

Fascinating. Here’s the part that was so catchy. I scream. I personally relate to the screaming! I don’t scream at people, but I do scream. Sometimes it’s in a pillow or in a car or in some encapsulated environment. Always in a place where I wont’ disturb others. NOT disturbing others with my screaming is important. If I feel that i’ll disturb someone with my screaming, I won’t do it. However I do “practice” these kind of “controlled screams”. It’s something that I always consciously choose to do. This sounds VERY bizarre, but if I’m angry or stressed or confused about something, I’ll kind of “make an appointment with myself” to have a screamfest, a scream-session about that topic that feels overwhelming. Or heck, I’ve had “scream sessions” specifically about very positive things and screaming in that sense is a kind of rejoice. Personally, I’m sure they’re some downsides to it, but the benefits to me are basically stress release as well as it changes the texture of my voice. It’s simultaneously an auditory and a kinesthetic (screaming is kinesthetic because it involves your body) pattern interrupt. It’s very controversial, but I think in a controlled, organized, non-disruptive application screaming can be very positive. A lot of animals actually vocalize for digestion and other core physiological needs. In a controlled organized nondisruptive context screaming simply becomes another kind of physiological workout I think. I’ve done marathon training and have a set exercise routine. There’s nothing wrong with exercise. Exercise aligns you, makes you feel clear, and creates body-mind mastery. Whether that exercise be swimming 800m in a pool, running 2-3 miles outside, lifting a few weights, or….maybe even screaming for 5-10 minutes. I think this is very interesting.

Hilarous. Just the topic of conversation to casually discuss corporate managers and partners or workers that scream and the image of that, was highly goofy and amusing.

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