Validate Your Life

April 2, 2009 — 8:50 AM

March 27, 2009
10:00 PM
Just woke up and DAMN. I’m angry. I’m FURIOUS. This is something I’m certain about. HEre’s the list of things that have made me furious..

1. kyle for cutting me off on phone call
2. Eric for making me panic about going up and then trivializing it by inviting everyone up on stage (even the audience non comedians)
3. Jack for being so confusing
4. Mary for not marrying me
5. The starcbucks northridge students for being so decieving, petty, naive, puerile and inconsiderate when they took my table and then the fuckers tried to make me think that I wasn’t sitting there before them?? preoposterous!!
6. I’m angry at how drawn otu jonathon is making the dog adoption thing like literally 5-6 calls per week MORE and voicemails i want to adopt henry A LOT about damn man it isn’t like a corporate merger.
7. i’m angry at ALL la women because maybe they’re just impossible to hook up wiht, maybe no one has sex with them, and I certainly feel like I am not capable nor deserve to
8. I’m FURIOUS FURIOUS at that jamba for making fill out another resume
9. I’m fucious at jamba, chateau marmont
10. I’m FUIOUS at that Miyagi’s dj for purposefully skipping my song WTF!
11. I’m angry and enraged at that sahara chick for purposefully distracting me with flirting and then eating half of MY damn sushi!
12. I’m fucious that I’m so broke and can’t make money.
13. I’m angry that I feel my life is going no where (no job, no money, just TONS of work and tons of projects like I’ve been in prison).
14. I’m angry I cant’ even geta job bagging groceries.
15. i’m angry at how I have to go to calabasas to sleep (which is kinda okay) but then I stay here for too long because going out means spending money that I dont’ have.
16. I’m angry at the lawyer people from mca in the resident lounge.
17. I’m angry that I don’t feel I deserve to USE the damn computer lab and gym that I”M paying for!!
18. I’m angry at how many websites I’ve made and how I haven’t profitted of ANY of them.
19. I’m angry at how much junk food crap I’ve eaten.
20. I’m enraged at all the legal shit that is omnipresnet in America (restrictions of open mics at cofee bean tea leaf); the legal stuff about posting my work etc
21. I’m angry that I dont’ feel capable of making money off my work Xmas carol recordings, vyl recoridngs, vyl books, websites, ALL that IMMENSE amount of work!!!!!!!!!!
22. i’m angry taht damn myth the fallen lords needs classic to run b/c I liked that game.
23. I’m angry that I don’t know if I should be focusing and pursuing math teaching, some kind of teaching, acting? (nah), COMEDY, working in cheapo restaurant place.
24. I’m Angry but more Panicked and nervous about not knowing what to do for rent!

I’m grateful for/happy about

1. getting to go up and do my bringer comedy set AND get a recording of it.
2. that I have access to trails and ocean if I get over my anger and go
3. that I ahve acces to food (even though I cant’ afford it)
4. eric and jack and rico are kind of cool.
5. that I did Do alllll of that outside work stuff (stripper club chateau, open mics, north hollywood explore etc).
6. I have a car, abike, a surfboard.
7. That I might adopt Henry!!
8. that I’m in cali
9. That I know i like the looks of australians
10. That atleast I’m getting in SOME miniscule form of auditons (explore talent ones and open mics)

(more…)

I realized I am a conduit. When I interact with people I don’t absorb their emotions, but sense them and then dish them back out. In every aspect I am a conduit and things must have immediate application. Anything that can stagnant on me doesn’t work and is deadly and must be removed. I’m talking about everything. Take reading a book. I need to read and then type out the book word-for-word or at the very least read it out loud to have that world flow through me. I like being that conduit. I preferably like to read my own work because I trust the author. I retyped by mexico SPTC journals and relived that world process. Utterly amazing! Loved it. So much fun. It’s strange that by experiencing something, letting it flow through you and sending it back out, you experience most fully, much more fully than be clinging to the experience and/or trying to save it! I have IMMENSE gratitude for Dr. Pereira, Laura Vick, and all the amazing leaders who generously worked hard for me to have so many exhilarating, cultural, educational experiences.