Validate Your Life

I am not you, and you are not me.  That is the way things are.  I like that.  As you ponder that, let me explain to you why I find tremendous value in that distinction.

Distinctions create boundaries.  Without distinctions, everything would be porous and absorbing this information or that information would generate confusion.  But that confusion is instantly absolved when we utilize distinctions.

There’s a tendency for people with whom I communicate to think that we have some connection, as-if they “know me”.  The way they communicate and the advice they give comes from the perspective of “I know this person in every dimension and in every aspect”.  But then I mention something that I have done that the person with porous distinctions has not done, like ran multiple marathons,  the person shirks back and immediately says “Oh, I couldn’t do that!”.  Instantly their slurring and blurring of our distinctions of you being me, and me being you –gets mutilated when an element of capacity enters the conversation.

You see, as you listen to this closely and intently you realize that intention should govern our behavior (and often it does when we are not being persuaded, manipulated, or under a hypnotic trance by the media), but  many times our perception of capacity limits our behavior.  When I mention to someone actions I have taken that they deem outside of their capacity (for example having written 4 books, or ran multiple marathons, or any other task of which people are incredibly capable of doing, but don’t believe they have that capacity to do so) who has a ruptured their perception of boundaries, what happens in their mind?  First they recoil.  They instantaneously have a thought process of “this person is not whom I thought they were and there exists a distinction in our capacity”.  Such distinctions are good.  Because in many ways, what makes you you, and me me, is our logical levels, which of course, include beliefs, identity, capabilities, and behavior.  If I am talking to you in person, we share the same environment.  That is it.  I’d say environment is roughly 3% of “who I am” and “who you are” at best.   Without logical levels, we are all practically identical twins because our only differences would be blemishes on our epidermal layer of our skin, hair coloration, simple, trivial distinctions bound into the same sequences of deoxyribonucleic acid.  So it’s truly our logical levels that spark this kind of Lamarakian

For awhile in my junior year in college I engaged this belief that we were all this spiritual, interconnected, “Universal One” person.  I enjoyed entertaining that belief because of many reasons.  Reasons for entertaining the “universal one” delusion: (more…)

Holmes’ Meta Strategy!
This is the transcription and reflection on Robert Dilts’ Strategies of Genius.

Perception of Clusters of Details —> Behavioral Observations + Environmental Observations —> Inferences —> Combinations of inferences —> Conclusions

Cultural Assumptions & Facts are matched up with the observations to draw inferences, then the inferences are “compiled” to generate conclusions.

Why is Holmes Strategy so useful to learn?
Well, for one, Sherlock Holmes (although fictional) is the greatest observational-deducer probably ever to exist in our imaginations or out of it. The fact that he’s fictional does not prevent his techniques from being genuine, applicable, and highly useful. The observational-deducing strategies used by Sherlock Holmes seriously fall in the category of something expansively NLP because it increases the options you have in life. You can (and will) draw these truthful, accurate conclusions seemingly from thin air. Yes, that is impressive and makes for a great trick, but also for your own awareness and heightened observational skills this is extremely potent. It’s so valuabl eto understand how we go from submodality observations and asking the who, what, how, where, when (and sometiems why) questions to arrive at the causes and behavioral conditions and capabilities behind what we see. Wolves are notably more intelligent than dogs because of their 30% increased intelligence and heightened “observational learning”. Observational learning means that they’ll figure out how the cage they’re in works, and can quickly escape than anything without observational learning. Similarly, learning and Applying Holmes meta-strategy for drawing deductive conclusions from heightened observations frees you and expands your life MUCH more than the person who does not use this strategy. Ultimately, by using and applying Holmes’ filtering and questing and tying up observations with cultural assumptions, imaginations, and facts to reach inferecnes and then conclusions from the summation and formulaic equations of those inferences, you truly will lead a more liberated, more full, more complete life than someone who does not use these strategies. So learn on!

The fusion of cultural assumption & Fact with the observation is key and often the overlooked step.

If you see someone lightly hesitantly putting his hand on a woman’s shoulder (observation), it’s likely it’s their first date (inference) because if they had gone on many dates, there likely would be no hesitation (cultural assumption)!

(more…)

“There are these four ways of answering questions. Which four? There are questions that should be answered categorically [straightforwardly yes, no, this, that]. There are questions that should be answered with an analytical (qualified) answer [defining or redefining the terms]. There are questions that should be answered with a counter-question. There are questions that should be put aside.
These are the four ways of answering questions. ”
– Buddhist Quote

Straigthforward-answer, redefinition of terms, counter-question, neglect/discard the question = Straightup beverage, “what ingredients are in that drink?”, “is that the best drink on the menu? Have you tried..xyz?” “i’m not thirsty”. I LOVE This because it gives you permission to understand that questions are really truly what we make of them. and we don’t have to make anythong of them (discard), and can answer them if want (direct), or change them (redefine), or simply bounce them back (counter-question). I always thought I had to choose between categorically (directly) answering a question or not. Now I realize that was only 1/4 of my total options!

State Calibration

Body language can never lie; words and statements, however, can. Learning to calibrate increases your ability to know what a person is feeling. This becomes extremely potent when trying to eliminate confusion in communication and also to avoid getting deluded with words.

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, State Calibration is just “indicators” of a person’s state. When the red light is on on the oven, it mean it’s heating up. When you’ve calibrated a person, you can know that a specific person a brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched means they’re perplexed. Therefore the “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched” state is like the red light on the oven; both the red oven light and the furrowed brow, squint, and hunch serve as indicators for what’s going on “inside”.

How do you calibrate a state? When you see a person having a unique body posture, or movement, you ask them what they feel, and if they respond, you’ll know that that specific external body language, posture, breathing, and the like corresponds to their state! ANY time you see them with “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched, ask them what they’re feeling. If they respond, you’ve just successfully calibrated their state! Now whenever you see that external body languae, you will understand that for that person it calibrates to “perplexed”.

A green light on the oven could mean, “cleaning mode”, just as someone who’s in a state where their breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling, and you ask them what they feel they’ll say “happy” you’ve calibrated that “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” to mean happy for THEM. So to that specific person, just as the green light means “cleaning mode”, “breathing steady, chest out, and smiling” means “feeling happy”. Now, “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” does not mean happy for every person; just that specific person. To continue the analogy to now an absurd level of metaphor (LOL!) everyone’s “oven” is built different with different indicator lights. The oven lights are just a metaphor for “external indicator” that calibrates to an “internal state”.

(more…)

A huge fan of the “rolling clothes” WITH RUBBERBAND (Huge tip), I kept all my clothes like that even while at home!! I actually just stopped recently keeping all my clothes and rubberbanded AT HOME, but will likely do that on a trip.

My biggest problem is the “what if the opportunity arises for xyz?” and xyz could be “wearing a suit”, looking sharp, that random sporting event that pops up, using a laptop need (bring laptop yeah/nae?)

I think one of the most outrageous “OVERPACKING” trips was a trip to Santa Barbara I took to see afriend, not knowing if i’d stay a night or a week, and knowing that we talked about surf I brought something like

• a laptop and bag
• a surfboard
• wetsuit
• suitcase with week’s worth of clothes
• swim bag and suit
• formal dress clothes (collared shirts, ties (hanign in car))

(more…)

The stimulating and clarifying effects of deletion generate an inimitable empowerment in our pursuit of certainty. Susan Collins writes, “letting go of what we have can be a challenging process bringing up old fears and insecurities. Letting go of friends and partners, familiar jobs and homes will create the space for new people and situations — the space for our dreams” (Collins 31). Deletion creates, enabling us to “move past the “false security of simply having someone or something” (Collins 31). It’s extremely common to fear letting go of something simply because we have it.

The resourcefulness of an item, relationship, or experience is far too often a lesser priority than the possession of that thing. In other words, people want to have something just for the sake of possessing it, rather than having its desired effects. I remember being in relationship with a group of people that condescendingly castigated we with no cause. Such chidings occurred with a very distinct pattern. Every time I would return to that group and I was in an extremely clear and good zone — like a scintillating reunion with some old friends, or an invigorating party, or some evocative experience like seeing a great movie, concert, or sporting event – they displayed great and virulent confrontation. I discovered that group of people vilified me and fallaciously penalized me whenever I was feeling very centered.

Such vicious vituperation shocked my system, and because of their deceitful revilement, which was largely provoked by fear, I typically apologized and played the role of the victim. It is unclear as to whether or not they felt out of control or felt frightened or simply didn’t like it when I was in such a state of great happiness, but such reasons are irrelevant because becoming victimized by their nebulous remonstrations smashed my confidence, buried my enthusiasm, and, to say the least had a very destructive impact on my life.

The worst part was that whenever I tried to stand up for myself and tell the person that they were being horrible and having a terribly negative impact on me, they would team up and collectively say that I was wrong-doer. This created a debilitating doubt for me. I not only had to falsely be satisfied with the false belief that I had done something wrong, but I had to be in accordance with their terrible. It became a very tedious battle between who was really harming whom. They would create rules and limiting provisos to which I had to agree and completely and not only deny how much suffering they caused me, but pretend that they brought me happiness. The wouldnt’ settle for anything less in politics of the extremely dysfunctional relationship. To say the least living with that group of people was incredible vapid. It’s important to delete those experiences and then share them in the process of moving on and forgiving because in sharing them, you honor any emotive dislikes and likes.

(more…)